A few weeks ago, Molly of the amazing site Stratejoy sent us all an email about embracing vulnerability. I have to admit, a big part of why Beeweave: The Shop is not live yet is because I have been scared.
Molly is right! Embracing what terrifies us is really the only way to reach our dreams. My mom kind of gave me a (much-needed, if I am being honest) tongue lashing today. She pointed that I am often not honest with myself and I worry entirely too much about what other people think.
I am always the girl that encourages her loved ones to go after their dreams. Consequences be damned (or at least put into a box), go after what makes me you smile, because if you don’t. You will ALWAYS regret it. I am always dishing out this advice.
The problem? While I firmly believe it, I do not always follow. In the interest of total honesty here, I almost never allow myself to be vulnerable. I constantly hold myself back from going after something from I truly want because I become afraid.
- I am afraid of what my family and friends will think. Though I am independent, I want those I care about to be proud of me.
- I am afraid to fail. I don’t want to throw all of my energy, time and miniscule funds into something only fall of my face.
- I am afraid that I will realize I have no real talent in which I think I excel. I hold a few “truths” about myself close to heart and I’m afraid that if I put myself out there, I will discover those truths are not true at all.
- I have a lot of interests. I am afraid to pick just one.
My mom sometimes tells me that I jump too quickly from one thing to the next. She’s probably right. It happens, in part, because I am afraid to make a real committment to a path because of the previously mentioned fears. It also happens because I do not want to miss out on any opportunity or any path. But, who says I have to put all my eggs in one basket? Why can’t I chase my dream of a graduate degree, launch Beeweave, pay my bills through a combination of writing and nannying and other creative jobs, and chase the dream of getting something creative published. I can do it.
I might still fall on my face. I might discover I don’t have as much talent as I thought I did. But, you know what, I might just find out that I completely rock at life. I might discover a deep seeded passion I never knew existed. I might find out that being a career woman is something I actually enjoy. I might discover rainbows or a great-tasting recipe for whole-wheat cupcakes. Or, I may discover I need to do some more soul-searching. All I am sure of at this point is that Molly has a point. I know for a fact, I need to allow myself to be vulnerable. I need to stop just going with the flow and go after something. If I do not take the time to chase my dreams, I will find myself old and gray, looking back on a life half-lived.